Are You There God? It's Me, Patti. . . .

Oh how I wish that this was all just some silly book and not real life. And believe me when I say, I don't need to be slapped to realize that this is my reality. No wake-up calls necessary! I'm fully awake, unfortunately.

Honestly, it's the pain that keeps me awake. The only sleep I've gotten over the last three days was forcefully induced after laying around for hours, bawling my eyes out, till I could barely breathe. Strange as it sounds though, that is the best sleep I ever seem to get anymore these days.

I often joke about men being cursed with selective hearing. It seems they only hear those things that are most pleasing to them, and that require as little effort on their part as possible. Here most recently I've even had the audacity to accuse God of using such an auditory filter. I feel as though I could cry all night to the point of exhaustion, and yet my cries fall on deaf ears.

To make matters worse, when He does speak to me, all I hear is "No." I can never hear God whenever He has anything else to say except "No." And it's not that I haven't tried either. I often pray to be able to hear Him, clearly. But it never fails that the "No's" come ringing in loud and clear. Perhaps I'm the one with the filter.

Don't You have anything else to say to me besides "No"?