Reality Bites
Despite my newfound extreme happiness I've never really been one to live in a fantasy world. The journey through this life is not like skipping through a field of daisies. Even the best moments require one to also be in touch with reality. Yet when I refer to being "in touch" with reality, I don't mean an occasional gentle stroke. You really have to ensure that you are living, thinking, and breathing what is real. That's not to say that the imagination and everything tied to a fantasy is unhealthy. It's just that limiting those experiences lessens the sting of reality when everything goes to hell in a handbasket.
Like I said before, I've never been one to live in a fantasy world. But here lately things in my life seemed almost perfect, if such a thing even exists. I finally found a truly wonderful man, someone I can trust and give my heart to. I have a great job, and I'm learning something new everyday, and evolving as a nurse. I have great, supportive friends. The parentals and I are getting along well too. And best of all I feel healthy, alive, bubbly, and just plain happy. But that's until the phone rings, or there's a knock at the door, or you open a piece of mail, and in that instance something is bound and determined to distort your happiness. Reality.
For me it was as simple as a phone call. Something so innocent can be one of the best ways to not only ruin your day, but your whole life. As is my general practice, no names will be mentioned as I elaborate on this story because quite frankly the whole thing has caused me enough aggrevation save an accusation that I was smearing other people's business all over the internet. But I digress.
So I'm on the phone with a good friend, which actually is such a cliche, and really in this situation an understatement. I'm talking to someone that I could tell anything. I could even tell this person about embarrassing personal bodily functions and it wouldn't bother me one bit. This person is the epitome of the words "best friend." This person has always been supportive of me, and actually helped me to become the more confident, laidback individual that I am today. I owe much to this person. This is one of those people that you would take a bullet for or stand in front of an oncoming train. I love this person. I always will.
We haven't talked in a long time. In fact for someone who considers this person to be their best friend it is almost pathetic to recall when their last real conversation took place. Nevertheless here we are trying to catch up when the strangest question comes into play. "Can I ask you something?" This, coming from the person who knows nearly everything about me. This question is almost like an insult in and of itself. "Of course," I reply after I scold him for even asking in the first place. He then relates to me the story of how his significant other read an innocent email that I had sent him which turned into an extensive line of questioning implying that there had at one point been something between us that he had never told her about. Reality.
The sting sets in and so does the silence. He goes on to explain that he sat down with her and explained that nothing more than a plutonic relationship has ever existed between the two of us. Which is all very true. The question though that is burning in your mind is, "What in the world did you say in that email that would even remotely cause her to think that there had ever been anything between the two of you?" Good question. And since I truly am the innocent party I'll tell you honestly.
We'd been talking about his up and coming marriage and I merely commented how it is still weird for me to think about him getting married especially when I consider that there was a time when I dreamed about being with him myself. But I love him in my own way as one of the best friends of my entire life and so I can't do anything but be happy for him. Period. Yes, I did at one time have feelings for him that reached beyond our friendship, and being the person to whom I tell everything, I told him how I felt. But that is not without saying that I also reassured him that I was not telling him my feelings because I wanted him to act on them or because I intended to act on them myself, but because it weighed so heavily on my mind and I needed to be free from those feelings. Truth.
In many ways truth is so much stronger than reality because really, truth is the essence of reality. That which is real can only in turn also be true.
He then attempted to reassure me that everything was fine between them. No harm, no foul. Later that day he asked me what might be done to make her feel completely as ease with the entire situation. From a female standpoint, I said that maybe sitting down with the other party in question and just talking about it all like adults would really smooth things out for me, if I were on the receiving end. Now would be one of those times when it would really behoove me to just keep my mouth shut because apparently that is a wonderful idea, an idea that my stupidity set in motion. Here's your shovel, start digging. It is thus that I find myself waiting for his call so I can trump over there and explain myself to her like some criminal at his trial hearing.
Needless to say this beyond ruined my day. I spent the rest of the day fighting off tears. I've also rehearsed in my head what I'm going to say during my own Gestapo interrogation. I've also come to the realization that this is likely to ruin our friendship. In fact, I almost guarantee it. I'll never be able to be 100% honest with this person ever again. I'll always have to wonder if I tell him something personal will it come back around to me via his wife? How can I ever be social with the two of them when now I feel like she's dissecting my every move. If he makes me laugh is that wrong? If he hugs me goodbye have I committed the unpardonable sin? Am I really considered untrustworthy now because I was open and honest with someone about everything?
Like I said before, I've never been one to live in a fantasy world. But here lately things in my life seemed almost perfect, if such a thing even exists. I finally found a truly wonderful man, someone I can trust and give my heart to. I have a great job, and I'm learning something new everyday, and evolving as a nurse. I have great, supportive friends. The parentals and I are getting along well too. And best of all I feel healthy, alive, bubbly, and just plain happy. But that's until the phone rings, or there's a knock at the door, or you open a piece of mail, and in that instance something is bound and determined to distort your happiness. Reality.
For me it was as simple as a phone call. Something so innocent can be one of the best ways to not only ruin your day, but your whole life. As is my general practice, no names will be mentioned as I elaborate on this story because quite frankly the whole thing has caused me enough aggrevation save an accusation that I was smearing other people's business all over the internet. But I digress.
So I'm on the phone with a good friend, which actually is such a cliche, and really in this situation an understatement. I'm talking to someone that I could tell anything. I could even tell this person about embarrassing personal bodily functions and it wouldn't bother me one bit. This person is the epitome of the words "best friend." This person has always been supportive of me, and actually helped me to become the more confident, laidback individual that I am today. I owe much to this person. This is one of those people that you would take a bullet for or stand in front of an oncoming train. I love this person. I always will.
We haven't talked in a long time. In fact for someone who considers this person to be their best friend it is almost pathetic to recall when their last real conversation took place. Nevertheless here we are trying to catch up when the strangest question comes into play. "Can I ask you something?" This, coming from the person who knows nearly everything about me. This question is almost like an insult in and of itself. "Of course," I reply after I scold him for even asking in the first place. He then relates to me the story of how his significant other read an innocent email that I had sent him which turned into an extensive line of questioning implying that there had at one point been something between us that he had never told her about. Reality.
The sting sets in and so does the silence. He goes on to explain that he sat down with her and explained that nothing more than a plutonic relationship has ever existed between the two of us. Which is all very true. The question though that is burning in your mind is, "What in the world did you say in that email that would even remotely cause her to think that there had ever been anything between the two of you?" Good question. And since I truly am the innocent party I'll tell you honestly.
We'd been talking about his up and coming marriage and I merely commented how it is still weird for me to think about him getting married especially when I consider that there was a time when I dreamed about being with him myself. But I love him in my own way as one of the best friends of my entire life and so I can't do anything but be happy for him. Period. Yes, I did at one time have feelings for him that reached beyond our friendship, and being the person to whom I tell everything, I told him how I felt. But that is not without saying that I also reassured him that I was not telling him my feelings because I wanted him to act on them or because I intended to act on them myself, but because it weighed so heavily on my mind and I needed to be free from those feelings. Truth.
In many ways truth is so much stronger than reality because really, truth is the essence of reality. That which is real can only in turn also be true.
He then attempted to reassure me that everything was fine between them. No harm, no foul. Later that day he asked me what might be done to make her feel completely as ease with the entire situation. From a female standpoint, I said that maybe sitting down with the other party in question and just talking about it all like adults would really smooth things out for me, if I were on the receiving end. Now would be one of those times when it would really behoove me to just keep my mouth shut because apparently that is a wonderful idea, an idea that my stupidity set in motion. Here's your shovel, start digging. It is thus that I find myself waiting for his call so I can trump over there and explain myself to her like some criminal at his trial hearing.
Needless to say this beyond ruined my day. I spent the rest of the day fighting off tears. I've also rehearsed in my head what I'm going to say during my own Gestapo interrogation. I've also come to the realization that this is likely to ruin our friendship. In fact, I almost guarantee it. I'll never be able to be 100% honest with this person ever again. I'll always have to wonder if I tell him something personal will it come back around to me via his wife? How can I ever be social with the two of them when now I feel like she's dissecting my every move. If he makes me laugh is that wrong? If he hugs me goodbye have I committed the unpardonable sin? Am I really considered untrustworthy now because I was open and honest with someone about everything?
posted by Patti RN | 8:37 AM
3 Comments:
you will understand all of this so much better when you are the woman on her end. it doesn't matter if you are just friends. that fact that you feel something so deeply is in and of itself a potential threat. i would feel the same way... and do. that's the reality of marriage and dating. someone loses so that someone else can gain. your friendship with him now has to be with her too in a most open way. well, this is all my opinion. but unfortunatley true.
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