The "M" Word

The other night I had a dream that Thumper told me he was going to marry me. It wasn't a proposal, but more like a vocalization of what was to come in the future.

"I'm going to put a ring on that finger someday," he said.

I woke up that next morning, feeling almost excited and extremely relieved despite the fact that it was only a dream. I looked down at my hand, the absence of an engagement ring slapping me back into reality. The excitement of course is understandable. The relief? That deserves some explanation.

It's been awhile since I've been to a wedding. But this summer broke my streak of absence and on one of the hottest days of early summer I found myself standing next to my best friend as she was preparing to get remarried to Mr. Right. I soaked in the white dress, the pearls, the flowers. It was everything a wedding should be and more. There is something to be said about the importance of those actually taking the wedding vows. This couple in particular is really meant to be together.

This is exactly how I feel about Thumper. Deep down in my gut, I feel like this is the person I am meant to be with forever. And despite the happiness we both feel when we're together, we never address the future. And although I don't imagine that he is the type of person who never wants to get married, I often wonder if maybe that is why the subject is never brought up. But then there is a part of me that gently reminds myself about the person in question. This man is still trying to sort through, school and a career. His mind is a bit too preoccupied with the here and now to be worried about something as distant as marriage.

It would be easy too, I suppose, to get that relief that I'm seeking. It's really quite simple. I could just ask! But here too we go back to my "I love you" phobia. For a few months I had found myself saying it, only to be followed by silence. I hate to assume anything so I really had no idea if he felt the same. I was dying to just ask him - do you or don't you? But then after seeking advice from Voo Doo Number Lady at work, I figured that I'd just give him his space and allow him to tell me his feelings when he was ready. In the end I was beyond glad that I didn't pressure him and when he finally told me how he felt, it was better than me asking.

Thus I think this is one of those subjects better left for a rainy day and a more open mind.