When All The Chips Are Down

The bets are made and all that remains is the big reveal, and it seems for a second that time stands still. A deep sigh breaks the silence at the table. Each player with his poker face in place waits for the dealer to turn the cards over. It's win or lose, and I can't help but wonder if even the most skilled, championship poker player feels an ounce of apprehension at the thought of losing it all.

Throughout the years I've realized that when it comes to relationships I'm an all or nothing type of person. If I'm going to commit to someone then they better be prepared to receive all of me - the good and the bad. This is also especially true when it comes to matters of the heart. If you're lucky enough for me to trust you with my heart, then you're going to get all of it. How would I feel if someone told me they only loved me 50%? It's all or nothing. And I suppose that's why being in love is so scary in the first place. For those of us who give 150% of ourselves, there is just that much to be lost if things go sour.

Over the last year I've been in my first real, committed relationship. Knowing myself and how I am, it is not surprising that I feel like I have completely given my heart to this person. There's not an inch of it that I've held back. But it's then that I realize exactly all that I would be losing if we were to go our separate ways, and quite frankly I feel more then just a little apprehension at even the thought. I suppose that's why some people refer to relationships as a gamble. It's something that you invest in, and the more you give of yourself, the more you have to lose.

Luckily that doesn't stop people from trying it. The feeling alone of being in love and being around that person is reason enough for me to be willing to come back for more, even after sustaining a broken heart.