Lucky Lotto 6

Here lately I feel as if religion, God, the whole nine yards, is nothing more than a gamble. You bring your requests and troubles before the Big Man seeking some sort of response, when really the numbers are not in your favor. There are far too many people on this Earth for you to expect to receive answers, unless of course, you get lucky.

I know it sounds as if I'm saying God doesn't exist, and I don't mean to come across as some sort of heathen. I'm just trying to understand how things get accomplished on the other end of things. Why is it that some people nearly kill themselves, and live a life of deprivation, all in the name of religion or God, with nothing to show for it all? While on the flip side of things there are people who will not hesistate to steal, murder, lie, and cheat their way through this life, and they have not a care in the world, and they want for nothing. Where is the fairness in that?! Of course here is where I cue the voice of my mother who gently reminds me that nobody said life would be fair and then proceeds to inquire, "Was life fair to Jesus?"

I guess lately I just feel like every aspect of my life is being pummeled by temptations that could easily become a long list of bad habits. Yet as downtrodden as I feel, there is something that continues to hold me back. Call it conscience, call it cowardice, call it whatever you like. My point is that I know far too many people who are just coasting along, doing whatever they please, and life is a cake walk for them. Then here I am, fighting tooth and nail to remain true to what I believe, and for what? What am I doing this for? Where is it getting me? Where's the benefit in this? Where's my lucky break?