Change
Life, it's all about change, and although it sounds rather cliche, the majority of it occurs unbeknownst to even ourselves. Everyday our bodies experience unfelt change. And for those sincerely oblivious souls, nature whispers gentle reminders as simple as our most recent change in seasons. Some of us thrive on it, while others shudder at the slighest mention of change.
Categorically, I hold a strong membership with the latter group. To say that I hate change would be an understatement. I suppose my aversion to change stems from the fact that it challenges my comfort. Yet it is inevitable, and as of lately seems to be washing over me in torrents.
Last week The Second approached me to ask my advice, or rather my opinion, on a situation. What would I think of him transferring to MICU? In moments like these it seems that the heart and the mind fight over control of the tongue. Both have plenty to say, and although you'd rather speak from the heart, you also have to present your case with some level of decorum, and thus the mind remains victorious.
Of course I do not want him to leave. That would require a great deal of change, therefore causing a great deal of discomfort. But I didn't feel it would be fair to play the selfish card, and so I agreed that it would be a wise move on his part.
I cried that morning, not to his face of course, but once I'd gotten home and had processed the idea over in my head. In my life it seems that change and loss are synonomous. They are one and the same. Something changes, therefore something is lost.
I suppose that it all boils down to how I fit into his life. We work together. That is how I fit into his life. Without that it's as if someone took an eraser and rubbed me out of the picture. I won't fit into his life. And that's a change I don't know how to adjust to. . . . .
Categorically, I hold a strong membership with the latter group. To say that I hate change would be an understatement. I suppose my aversion to change stems from the fact that it challenges my comfort. Yet it is inevitable, and as of lately seems to be washing over me in torrents.
Last week The Second approached me to ask my advice, or rather my opinion, on a situation. What would I think of him transferring to MICU? In moments like these it seems that the heart and the mind fight over control of the tongue. Both have plenty to say, and although you'd rather speak from the heart, you also have to present your case with some level of decorum, and thus the mind remains victorious.
Of course I do not want him to leave. That would require a great deal of change, therefore causing a great deal of discomfort. But I didn't feel it would be fair to play the selfish card, and so I agreed that it would be a wise move on his part.
I cried that morning, not to his face of course, but once I'd gotten home and had processed the idea over in my head. In my life it seems that change and loss are synonomous. They are one and the same. Something changes, therefore something is lost.
I suppose that it all boils down to how I fit into his life. We work together. That is how I fit into his life. Without that it's as if someone took an eraser and rubbed me out of the picture. I won't fit into his life. And that's a change I don't know how to adjust to. . . . .
posted by Patti RN | 2:59 AM
1 Comments:
there's a ukrainian girl here who had been seeing my former boss for about a year. he told her today that he doesn't want to see her again and he will not suffer or regret cutting it off. they needed to split becuase there was no future- they were both holding on because it was the easiest thing... i helped with moving her out of the dorm (different circumstances affect why she had to do this) and i said to janusz later that i feel bad for her, simply that such a phase of her life is closing. janusz said at the close of on phase of life, esp a painful close there is the opportunity for something else amazing to start.
i share this with you today.
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