No Sense Of Direction

As women, we have a tendency to tease men in regards to their poor sense of direction. I'm not quite sure where this stereotype orginates, although I can verify that there are some men out there who unfortunately are completely clueless when it comes to North versus South. For the most part I've always prided myself for having what I consider to be a very keen sense of direction. I usually stay on track quite well. And on that rare occasion when I do get lost, I have enough sense to stop and ask directions.

As of lately I feel that I've been stripped of my sense of direction, but not in a geographical sense. I feel as though I've been blindfolded and spun around, only to be let lose without a clue as to which way is up. I always thought that I had a generally good idea of what life had in store for me, and whenever there was any question, I'd pray about it, asking God to guide me, and with a little patience, everything seemed to fall into place.

When I came to TN for school I never thought that I would settle here, let alone enjoy living here. But lately I'm just not happy here. Of course my friends are here, and my job is here, but is that all there is to life? I feel like there is something missing. Yet even more than that, I'm asking myself, is this where I belong?

Belonging is very important to me. As far back as I can remember, belonging was something that determined whether I became friends with certain people or not, or whether I changed schools or not. I also recall many times, both in the past and recently, when I've felt such discomfort knowing that I didn't belong.

I've thought about moving back to PA. I've even looked at houses there. Yet there still lingers this feeling that I don't belong there anymore. But at the same time I'm not necessarily at peace with being in TN either. There's no question in my mind as to what I'm supposed to do in this life. I know that I'm supposed to be a nurse and take care of people. But I can't seem to shake this feeling that something is wrong. Something is missing, and I just can't put my finger on it.

Of course I've prayed about it, and for awhile things seemed to be clearing up and I felt more definite about my life. But lately I've noticed that feeling, slowly creeping up on me again and inundating my life. I suppose I need to have more faith, but even that seems to have lost track of me.