Summer Donna -or- Simmer Down Now!

Today definitely proved to be a memorable Monday. With renewed enthusiasm, I threw back the covers at 4:45 AM, anxious to prepare myself for my last clinical. What’s more is that it was my last pediatric clinical. Long ago when I first started nursing school, and was still wet behind the ears, I recall ranting and raving about practicing pediatric nursing. Yet surprisingly my clinical experiences have inspired me to take a different nursing pathway, one which I always vowed I would never even consider – telemetry.

Despite the fact that I was assigned to a pediatric unit for this last clinical, I was open to the experience and ready to close the book! Hence, I donned my gay apparel, for what might be the last time, and mounted my faithful steed, Wanda, and zipped over to Erlanger hospital. Those of you who know of my driving record can be witness to the fact that when I use the term “zipped”, I mean it in the most literal sense. Consequently, I arrived at the hospital a half hour early and puttsed around the unit until my partner in crime, Greg, the Polish Stone Kaminski, arrived.

Once Greg arrived, we busied ourselves getting report and swapping stories about our diagnoses and our patients’ prognoses. As is expected, there was an early admittance and thus Greg and I decided to get in on the action. We watched attentively as the respiratory therapist debated with the doctor concerning whether to intubate the 4 week old patient. In the midst of the deliberation I decided that it was time for a coffee break. Both Greg and I had ingested next to nothing for breakfast, and reasoned that some coffee might take our minds off our grumbling stomachs.

Thus, we shuffled down the hall into the nurse’s lounge. Conferencing like Knights of King Arthur’s Round Table were two pompous pediatricians, which I promptly ignored. Finding the coffee pot quite desiccated I began pulling draws open left and right, and in no time had whipped up a steaming pot of java for me and my Polish pal. I quietly perfected my starter fuel with some powdered creamer and extra sugar while Greg experimented with some flavored coffee in another coffee-maker. As I sipped down the rather bitter concoction Greg presented me with his very own coffee challenge. On the counter in front of me sat 2 styrofoam cups, each filled to the brim with a different flavor of coffee. With a snicker Greg dared me to taste each one and try to convince him they were actually different flavors, as indeed they were. As is my nature I giggled and accepted his challenge.

After a bit of friendly bickering, I laughed and agreed that although he had brewed 2 different flavors, they tasted exactly the same. At this time one of the pediatricians who themselves had been bantering back and forth, piped into our conversation. “Could you excuse us?” he inquired rudely. I was flabbergasted. Of course by this time the various retorts began swirling around in my head. “First of all. . . . .” I thought “. . . .there is good reason why this is called a lounge. Could it be because it is a lounge? Secondly, its intended purpose is for the relaxation and escape of the overworked and underpaid nurse from uptight, hoity toity, egotistical, individuals such as yourself.” Appropriately my eyes reverted to the extra cup of coffee that Greg had brewed. As Greg motioned for me to quietly and passively exit, I was ever so tempted to dump the coffee into his crotch and advise him, “It would be in your best interest to simmer down!” Realizing the unprofessionalness of such behavior, I decided I would rather not stoop to his level and followed Greg into the other room.

Approximately 5 hours later, as I prepared to leave the unit for post conference on Children’s 300, my eye caught sight of that extra cup of coffee. Shame it went to waste like that.