Clean Sweep

Have you ever accidentally swept up a live spider? As you brush them along the floor and into the pile of dirt they run with all their might and for all they're worth, never getting to where they want to go, almost as if they're on a miniature treadmill.

This is how I feel. I feel as if I'm being swept away but I haven't a clue as to where I'm going to end up. In the meantime I'm running, and running, and running, and running but not sure to where or to whom. Thus I'm quite exhausted and very confused.

As fall finally approaches I find myself in the mood for some cleaning. Generally this only happens in spring and fall - I'm not sure why - probably because these two seasons are the start of something totally different. Spring marks the beginning of warmth and life. Fall marks the beginning of winter, and not necessarily death, but a change that's just as unique and beautiful as spring. I've been looking forward to this change. It's actually one that I'm ready for.

I'm realizing that there are so many things in my life that I really could just do without. These last few weeks I have felt so miserable, and one just doesn't feel miserable for no reason. So I've been adding and subtracting, playing trial and error with certain things, trying to figure out what's causing my joy's downfall.

Without even guessing and testing there are some things that have laid silent in my subconscious that I've been ignoring, but am fully aware of the pain they cause. I'd be a fool plain and simple if I continued ignoring them and therefore continuing to suffer. The battle ax is out and swinging and there are some things that are going to get cut off and swept away. This is the only way I know to fix things.