Looks Like Trouble

"I love you mother," said little Nell,

"I love you more than tongue can tell."

Then she teased, and pouted, and fussed all day,

Till mother was glad when she went to play.

Refrigerator Nazi

There's someone at work who has been assigned the duty of keeping the employee refrigerator in the breakroom clean. This person's definition of cleaning is simply throwing everything away. In my humble opinion, anyone can throw things away. It's easy. You pick things up and put them in a trash can.

Unfortunately I made the big mistake of leaving my lunch bag in the refrigerator over the course of a few days. The biggest part of that mistake was leaving my silverware in that bag as well. I returned to the work the other day only to find that the refrigerator nazi had gone on a cleaning spree and threw away my lunch bag, silverware and all!

It doesn't really bother me that they threw the food away because really if I remember correctly all that was left in that bag was some stale cookies and maybe some chocolate pudding. But it does bother me that they didn't care to make sure that they weren't disposing of someone's flatware, my favorite flatware. That was one of the first things that I bought when I set out on my own. I wasn't about to eat with my hands! It was plain in design, but that's because I wanted something plain that would go with any decor that I had in the kitchen.

I have half the nerve to send a Moxmail to my fellow employees thanking whomever it was that threw my belongings away. But a lot of good that does me now.

The Roof, The Roof. . . .

Is not on fire, but does have a crack in it, which is letting all that rain into my house. Urg! Oh well. I'm just glad this crack decided to locate itself above the coat closet and not my bed!

Bring On The Rain

It's been so dry here in TN this summer than I'm surprised that everything doesn't just up and blow away! There are some curiously green knolls when you drive along the interstate, but otherwise everything is some varying shade of brown. In fact, the other day I was riding along with Thumper on the mail route, and we drove past the most pathetic corn field I've ever seen. Now mind, I wasn't too heartbroken, this coming from the girl who ever since she came out of the womb has hated corn, and mostly anything related to corn, except popcorn of course. The stalks were all shriveled and brown.

Geographically we're close enough to the coast to catch the tail end of a hurricane, but not too close where we have to take cover and board everything up. Honestly I have not been following this latest one very closely, but if I were a betting woman I would say that we are now receiving the tail end of whichever hurricane is currently out there spinning off the coast.

It started raining yesterday afternoon. I was riding with Thumper and looked up to the most beautiful cumulonibus I've ever seen. Big pillowing clouds ran all across the sky. But we need the rain, so I try not to complain even though once it gets started down here it never seems to stop, hence the winter of my Freshman year at SAU, when it rained sideways and every other way you can imagine.

Of course it started raining while Thumper was delivering the mail. Poor thing, by the time we got back to Chattanooga from Athens, he was drenched. The forecast had only called for scattered showers throughout the day, but they're never really very accurate.

It's still raining, hard. We are now under a flood watch, and so is my upstairs coat closet which has sprung a leak in the roof!

Reality Bites

Despite my newfound extreme happiness I've never really been one to live in a fantasy world. The journey through this life is not like skipping through a field of daisies. Even the best moments require one to also be in touch with reality. Yet when I refer to being "in touch" with reality, I don't mean an occasional gentle stroke. You really have to ensure that you are living, thinking, and breathing what is real. That's not to say that the imagination and everything tied to a fantasy is unhealthy. It's just that limiting those experiences lessens the sting of reality when everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

Like I said before, I've never been one to live in a fantasy world. But here lately things in my life seemed almost perfect, if such a thing even exists. I finally found a truly wonderful man, someone I can trust and give my heart to. I have a great job, and I'm learning something new everyday, and evolving as a nurse. I have great, supportive friends. The parentals and I are getting along well too. And best of all I feel healthy, alive, bubbly, and just plain happy. But that's until the phone rings, or there's a knock at the door, or you open a piece of mail, and in that instance something is bound and determined to distort your happiness. Reality.

For me it was as simple as a phone call. Something so innocent can be one of the best ways to not only ruin your day, but your whole life. As is my general practice, no names will be mentioned as I elaborate on this story because quite frankly the whole thing has caused me enough aggrevation save an accusation that I was smearing other people's business all over the internet. But I digress.

So I'm on the phone with a good friend, which actually is such a cliche, and really in this situation an understatement. I'm talking to someone that I could tell anything. I could even tell this person about embarrassing personal bodily functions and it wouldn't bother me one bit. This person is the epitome of the words "best friend." This person has always been supportive of me, and actually helped me to become the more confident, laidback individual that I am today. I owe much to this person. This is one of those people that you would take a bullet for or stand in front of an oncoming train. I love this person. I always will.

We haven't talked in a long time. In fact for someone who considers this person to be their best friend it is almost pathetic to recall when their last real conversation took place. Nevertheless here we are trying to catch up when the strangest question comes into play. "Can I ask you something?" This, coming from the person who knows nearly everything about me. This question is almost like an insult in and of itself. "Of course," I reply after I scold him for even asking in the first place. He then relates to me the story of how his significant other read an innocent email that I had sent him which turned into an extensive line of questioning implying that there had at one point been something between us that he had never told her about. Reality.

The sting sets in and so does the silence. He goes on to explain that he sat down with her and explained that nothing more than a plutonic relationship has ever existed between the two of us. Which is all very true. The question though that is burning in your mind is, "What in the world did you say in that email that would even remotely cause her to think that there had ever been anything between the two of you?" Good question. And since I truly am the innocent party I'll tell you honestly.

We'd been talking about his up and coming marriage and I merely commented how it is still weird for me to think about him getting married especially when I consider that there was a time when I dreamed about being with him myself. But I love him in my own way as one of the best friends of my entire life and so I can't do anything but be happy for him. Period. Yes, I did at one time have feelings for him that reached beyond our friendship, and being the person to whom I tell everything, I told him how I felt. But that is not without saying that I also reassured him that I was not telling him my feelings because I wanted him to act on them or because I intended to act on them myself, but because it weighed so heavily on my mind and I needed to be free from those feelings. Truth.

In many ways truth is so much stronger than reality because really, truth is the essence of reality. That which is real can only in turn also be true.

He then attempted to reassure me that everything was fine between them. No harm, no foul. Later that day he asked me what might be done to make her feel completely as ease with the entire situation. From a female standpoint, I said that maybe sitting down with the other party in question and just talking about it all like adults would really smooth things out for me, if I were on the receiving end. Now would be one of those times when it would really behoove me to just keep my mouth shut because apparently that is a wonderful idea, an idea that my stupidity set in motion. Here's your shovel, start digging. It is thus that I find myself waiting for his call so I can trump over there and explain myself to her like some criminal at his trial hearing.

Needless to say this beyond ruined my day. I spent the rest of the day fighting off tears. I've also rehearsed in my head what I'm going to say during my own Gestapo interrogation. I've also come to the realization that this is likely to ruin our friendship. In fact, I almost guarantee it. I'll never be able to be 100% honest with this person ever again. I'll always have to wonder if I tell him something personal will it come back around to me via his wife? How can I ever be social with the two of them when now I feel like she's dissecting my every move. If he makes me laugh is that wrong? If he hugs me goodbye have I committed the unpardonable sin? Am I really considered untrustworthy now because I was open and honest with someone about everything?

In Your Dreams Sister!

Apparently, according to my elder sister, I look like

this Hollywood beauty, Alicia Witt. Ha! I'm not so sure that I agree, although the idea of it is quite flattering. What do you think?

Gatlinburg Or Bust!

This weekend we took a mini hiatus to Gatlinburg with some of Thumper's family and friends, and had an absolute blast. Even though we were only out of town for 2 days the change of pace and being away from work and everything familiar was wonderful. Here we are on the Sky Lift overlooking Gatlinburg. The view was amazing, and I'm not just talking about the mountains!

4 Letter Profanities

He pulled away from her angrily and sat with his head in his hands as if suddenly struck with unbearable amounts of pain, when really she was the one who was hurting. He scolded her for her confession. He was lucky, but too blinded by his own ego to realize this truth.

The world and all its wonders lay at his feet. He could have anything he wanted. Or so it seemed. In this moment of rejection she caught a glimpse of his true colors. Yet she too was blind, and could not comprehend the significance of this temper tantrum. One might have thought that she had insulted him to the utmost, unforgiveably. What had she whispered in his ear that sent him into such a rage?

I love you.

She never expected a reciprocated response, yet she never expected this response either. Was she wrong? And why was it that she automatically blamed herself for his actions? He was acting out, so surely it must be because she was acting out of character. True or not, this is how he made her feel.

She interrupted his tirade to explain herself. She clarified again that she was not looking for him to reciprocate her emotions, she was just simply voicing her feelings, feelings that she had been repressing for many months now. But her words fell on deaf ears. As always, he only heard what he wanted to hear. He continued to lament his current situation and scolded her again. "Of all the words you could have said, why did you have to use those three little words." His chastisement seared into her memory forever.

When she thought she could bear no more of his tongue lashing, she pulled herself together so as not to show her discouragement, and left quietly. Never again would she speak her heart. This she vowed.

It wasn't until many years later that she found her heart tormenting her tongue to say those words again. But this time was different. Or was it? Was she willing to take that chance? Was she ready for whatever response she might get? Was she ready to be so vulnerable? Was she ready for I love you?