Not Enough
At the risk of exposing myself and some feelings I've been hiding, there are a few things that I need to get off my chest:
I recently met someone for whom I immediately fell head over heels. Being fully aware of the fragility of my heart, I suppose he's trying to doctor me, telling me how wonderful I am etc. I can always use a boost in my confidence, but I'm beginning to think that I might make a little more headway if I get my affirmations from someone other than a male. There's no denying the exhileration that comes from receiving compliments from someone you care about. Yet at the same time, how much of it can be considered binding? How wonderful can one person really be?
I've heard it all before: "You're a diamond in the rough, worth your weight in gold, amazing etc. . . . ." and on and on. And it's not that I want to come across as conceited or even ungrateful, but when I hear these things it makes me feel sick. All this sugar-coating and flowery talk, all this flattery will only get you so far with me, because you see I've been there before.
Men know this is what we want to hear. Who doesn't want to be beautiful, the apple of someone's eye? But for me, it's so different. It all translates into something else. All those compliments are just code talk, because they figure it will leave us stunned long enough for them to get what they want out of us and then by the time we realize what hit us, they're already gone, they've been gone. It would be a lot more efficient use of their energy if they just said what they really mean. A man says, "You're beautiful." What I hear, "You're beautiful, but not beautiful enough for me."
And thus I've done it again. I've fallen for yet another person who could never see me at his side, or even want me there to begin with. Which really, I can deal with. That I can deal with. It's the continuing showers of how wonderful I am that's just too painful. It's like wearing too much perfume. The first spray smells nice. But after that your nose doesn't smell anything while everyone else suffers. Therefore, what was the point? There's too much for you to even enjoy.
I'd rather have someone acknowledge my faults and flaws. Not that I want to be judged or have a finger pointed in my face, but what's easier to believe: you're perfect and wonderful, OR the fact that you have some flaws? I'd rather be perfectly human, with all my faults and flaws laid out, because that's who I really am. I'd rather be perfectly human, and know that that's enough for someone else.
I recently met someone for whom I immediately fell head over heels. Being fully aware of the fragility of my heart, I suppose he's trying to doctor me, telling me how wonderful I am etc. I can always use a boost in my confidence, but I'm beginning to think that I might make a little more headway if I get my affirmations from someone other than a male. There's no denying the exhileration that comes from receiving compliments from someone you care about. Yet at the same time, how much of it can be considered binding? How wonderful can one person really be?
I've heard it all before: "You're a diamond in the rough, worth your weight in gold, amazing etc. . . . ." and on and on. And it's not that I want to come across as conceited or even ungrateful, but when I hear these things it makes me feel sick. All this sugar-coating and flowery talk, all this flattery will only get you so far with me, because you see I've been there before.
Men know this is what we want to hear. Who doesn't want to be beautiful, the apple of someone's eye? But for me, it's so different. It all translates into something else. All those compliments are just code talk, because they figure it will leave us stunned long enough for them to get what they want out of us and then by the time we realize what hit us, they're already gone, they've been gone. It would be a lot more efficient use of their energy if they just said what they really mean. A man says, "You're beautiful." What I hear, "You're beautiful, but not beautiful enough for me."
And thus I've done it again. I've fallen for yet another person who could never see me at his side, or even want me there to begin with. Which really, I can deal with. That I can deal with. It's the continuing showers of how wonderful I am that's just too painful. It's like wearing too much perfume. The first spray smells nice. But after that your nose doesn't smell anything while everyone else suffers. Therefore, what was the point? There's too much for you to even enjoy.
I'd rather have someone acknowledge my faults and flaws. Not that I want to be judged or have a finger pointed in my face, but what's easier to believe: you're perfect and wonderful, OR the fact that you have some flaws? I'd rather be perfectly human, with all my faults and flaws laid out, because that's who I really am. I'd rather be perfectly human, and know that that's enough for someone else.
posted by Patti RN | 9:13 AM
1 Comments:
if i had a telephone cable i would call you immediately. who is it this time????? is it someone i know? someone in pennsylvania? i don't think it is very fair that you blog about something without informing me of the details in an email first! humph! you know what i hate more that the sugar talk, is when guys say things like, "what do you think our kids would look like" or makes other references to marriage in a joking way. that reeeeally pisses me off, esp. if you like the guy. i was just telling the lady i buy fruit from today how i believe the three of us are more or less cursed. sorry to be getting so personal with this, but in a way i believe it. the conversation started when she said (i've been buying fruit from her for the last 2 summers) that she likes me so much and whenever she see's me it makes her happy and brings her joy and that she hopes there exists another half that is worthy of me. this coming from the fruit lady! and i said, "proszę pani, i have two younger sisters more beautiful, talented, brilliant, and wonderful still, and we are all alone. we are cursed." i don't really believe we are cursed, but i think we have a lot of man baggage to over come. at any rate, i wish you luck in love and i, being the risk taker-optimist i am, encourage you to throw all the color and flair into it that you got, because you are a fun girl and any guy who can put up with how descriptive you can be when it comes to describing pain and er situations would be a fool not to want you. ;) btw, got the package today. it took so long because they claimed the package was damaged during shipping. do you know what happened really? they opened it up and damaged the oreos! so i got oreo crumbs mostly- some cookies did survive and it all was yummy just the same. i have used the ***t remover immediately, though i am not so convinced it has done anything. the ***t is supposed to fall off in two weeks, if not i can try again. i am hopefull, at least! thank you so much for everything- the manicure kit too- if only you knew what my nails looked like recently. i have begun biting them again imagine if you will. well, this is all rather long for a comment and i am soooo tired i am going to bed! write me about the new beau! all and only love...
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