Angry

The title says it all. There is nothing more to say except that I'm feeling really angry today. I suppose though I could expound on the topic by saying who all exactly I am angry at but really I am hoping they have some kind of idea who they are and what they have done, rather repeatedly. What really bothers me though is that I feel I am not allowed to be angry when I know full well there is nothing wrong with the way that I am feeling. Yet in the midst of my misery I'm feeling pangs of guilt for being angry. Almost as if I don't have a legitimate reason for being angry, when really I do.

To start, I did not sleep at all again last night. This, mind you, is getting really old, really fast. If you're watching the evening news and you see my mugshot you'll know that I've either begun hallucinating due to lack of sleep and done something outside of my consciousness, or better yet, I've killed the neighbors upstairs for keeping me awake yet another night.

But all this anger really would not be complete if I was not mad at myself for one thing or another. I've been so careful with my credit cards lately. I have not used them since I graduated. And since that time I have been working religiously to pay them off before X-mas so that I could start saving for a new car. (I'm sorry Wanda to speak such blasphemy. . . . ) Thus I have been keeping track of when the money is due and then going and paying online. I've also been paying almost triple the minimum balance so that I can get out of debt fast.

Well I last checked online about a week ago and then went home and recorded on my refridge the day the next bill was due. I was sure, 100%, that it was on the 17th, which would be today. Yesterday I decided to call and double check what I owe this month, only to find out that I am late! I've been so careful not to do this and sure enough, when I came to the library today to pay the bill, I am a week late! Supposedly I was to pay the bill on the 11th, just post B-Day. I was so angry that really a profanity was called for which really just made me all the more angry because I knew that I could not do such a thing as I am also trying to clean up my mouth. Blasted conscience! Praise the Lord that tomorrow is payday. I'm praying that it's a good one too. I have so many bills to pay. It seems that I am more and more in debt than I think when really I have been doing very well. I've paid off about $1500 of what I owed on the credit card and all the furniture belongs to me now - meaning it is all paid off. But then of course I, being the sucker that I am, lent a quite large sum of money to someone last week which has put me in the hole quite badly now. What suxs even more is that I am sure I'll never see said amount of money ever again. Once it is given, it is never to be repaid. Sigh.

To top it all off, I've officially hurt my back at work. I haven't even been a nurse for a year and I'm already feeling the wear and tear of the job. Not to mention this one was really a doozy!

I think I'll go home and scrub the bathtub. Maybe that'll work out some of this frustration. . . . .